So we all have days that we just hate. Where nothing seems to go right and you find yourself in a crummy mood. We have all had them at some point or another. Hopefully not as many but we can all relate.
Well, I had one of those days. It happened to be last week. We took Caroline to her six month checkup at the pediatricians office. We are used to appointments, it really is nothing new for us. We had switched pediatricians about two months ago and have been pleased with where we are now. We were excited to have a new doctor in a place we felt comfortable with. We waited over an hour to see her last Thursday. I guess things get hectic around there but we didn't mind. Caroline was enjoying a good afternoon nap sprawled out on the table and we were patiently waiting. Finally, we were able to see the pediatrician. It started off good, "how are you.....how have things been going" but then when it got down to it, things started to get a little tough. The questions came...."is she rolling over, is she sitting up, is she grabbing for things?" no. no. no.
I knew Caroline wasn't doing those things. It's not like I haven't thought of all of this before. We KNEW she would be delayed in her milestones but it doesn't make it any easier. We know she will do things on her own time, she always has. But, to a pediatrician who sees "normal" baby after "normal" baby, those kind of questions just roll of their tongues. It wasn't meant in a harmful way or even a condescending way, just a regular simple series of questions.
It didn't really sink in until we left. You get so caught up in the moment of focusing on your child and making sure to answer the questions that you don't have time for it to sink in. But when I got home, I felt it.
It's tough. I'm not going to lie. There are some days when I just hate disability and everything that goes with it. But I have to be stronger than that. I am stronger than that. We have Caroline for a reason and it has taught me so incredibly much. I have not only learned how to become a parent but also how to become an advocate for her and her disability. I have become knowledgable about a condition I had only heard of before. I have become so much more educated in SB than I could have imagined in the past 10 months, since finding out about our sweet girl.
I am lucky enough to have a brother who has also taught me so much. He is such a wonderful, funny, sarcastic person and always has the best attitude about everything. He has made me appreciate things other people wouldn't and he has made me stay humble. His attitude and outlook on so much would make any person appreciate things. He has taught me more than he will ever know and I hope Caroline will carry his same personality. I could only hope that she does!
I don't mean to make my posts depressing and I don't even mean to make them sympathetic towards us. Really, that is the last thing we want, is to make anyone feel "bad" for us. We don't feel bad for us, we have been given such an amazing, challenging, heartwarming journey and we are truly blessed by it. It was on purpose that we were given our sweet Caroline and we love her so much. The love we have for her is like no other.
So yes, we will have tough days, but I promise the good ones, the great ones, will outweigh the bad ones. I am allowed to hate disability on days...I know I will but I will also love and cherish it. It is for that, our sweet Caroline has changed our lives.
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