8 months

Our sweet girl is 8 months old today. It is so hard to believe! She has come such a long way in her short little life so far and I only know that she will do such great things! She loves looking around, noticing people and noises. She also LOVES Tyson (our dog) and thinks it is the funniest when he barks!  She knows my voice and she surely loves her daddy! She just giggles and smiles when he gets home from work and holds her! Absolutely melts my heart, every.single.day!

I wanted to share this picture of just how far she has come. The picture on the left was taken December 17th, when she was three weeks old and then the picture on the right was taken today.

She has overcome so much. I remember the doctors and nurses not knowing what her life would be like. Some painted a pretty grim picture of what her quality of life would consist of but I knew it wouldn't be like they had talked. I knew that she would show us what she is made of. She always has. She has always been on her own time and I am learning to be ok with that time! I hate that she has to overcome so much...it's not fair that she should have to fight so hard but I know she is strong enough to do it. God made her a very special little girl and is with her every step of the way!

I hope I don't jinx anything by saying this but I feel we are all finally settling into a routine with her. We are finally feeling more adjusted to our new life together and have just been trying to get the hang of it all. Jeremy has been my rock and I honestly cannot say enough great things about him. He has stepped up, in so many ways, since we found out about Caroline. We have been learning how to be a great team for her and are finally figuring some things out. I know it will be a process but I'm glad it is progressing.

I remember where we were almost a year ago. On August 3rd last year, we had planned a gender reveal party. We had reserved a room at a Charleys for all of our close family and friends and we were finally excited to find out the gender of our little baby.  We had sent out invitations and even made several decorations. We were anxious about the appointment because Jeremy and I weren't even going to find out ourselves. We wanted to share our excitement with everyone!

We went to the appointment at 3:30 that afternoon and had the ultrasound. We had told the nurse not to tell us but we could tell something was wrong as she was not saying much but spending a long time taking pictures of the baby. Finally Jeremy told her we really wanted to know the gender so we agreed to find out but still act surprised at the party. The nurse told us it was a girl and that she was 100% sure of it! We were so ecstatic and images of bows and pink danced around in my mind and I was so happy!  The nurse had told us to wait in the waiting room because the doctor wanted to meet with us before we left. So we waited. It was close to 5:00 and everyone was set to arrive at 5:30 and we still had to pick up the box filled with balloons and get ready for the party. Finally we were called back into the exam room and the doctor went over the findings of the ultrasound with us.

He told us that they couldn't get great images because of the position of baby (breech) but he could tell that her ventricles (areas on the brain) were enlarged. I didn't know what that meant but by the look on his face, it wasn't a common thing they see often. He said he couldn't tell the reason of it but he felt it would be best to see a fetal medicine specialist at UVA. He didn't offer suggestions or speculations of what it could mean but felt strongly we needed to see a specialist. He left the room and my heart broke. It was supposed to be such a happy day, find out the gender, and here we were, sitting in the exam room, crying, knowing something was wrong with our baby. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to call everyone and tell them to go home, I had absolutely NO desire to go to that party. But, because of my husband, he convinced me we needed to go, to share in the joy of knowing we were going to have a little girl with them. So, we pulled ourselves together, trying to dry my tears on the way home to get ready and rush to Charleys. I tried to put on the biggest smile for everyone that night and it was just so hard. Looking back, I don't really know how I made it through that night with everyone, being so happy for us and yet I felt so scared and anxious all night. I had no idea where our journey would lead from there.

And here we are....almost exactly one year later. We have a beautiful (I may be a little partial to that) little girl who has changed our lives in so many ways. She has stolen our hearts and has created such love within us. We have fought for her and we have had so many ups and down over the past year but if you told me my life would be this great a year ago, I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have believed that we would be here, as a family, raising a child who has taught us so much about life already. She has put so much good in our hearts and because of her we can see the good in things, even when it is hard to find. I knew a year ago that I would be on a different journey than I had expected but it was one I needed to do.

I truly believe that if you have the love and hope for your child, they will do great things! Your energy and emotions feed into them. If they know you are scared or anxious, they too will be that way. We have to believe in her, in everything she does and in everything she will do. Like our Neurosurgeon told us after her surgery when she was a day old, "Don't ever let anyone set limitations on her" and I have tried to hold to that. I will not let anyone tell me what she will or won't be able to do.

No one can predict what our life will look like, what her life will look like, and I am ok with that. I want Caroline to show us what she can do. She will show us how strong she is and I know that she will surprise many!

I am so very thankful for this past year.  It has been the absolute hardest year of my life but so much good has come from it. I have grown so much in so many ways. My relationship with my husband has surpassed every expectation I ever had for him and he continues to amaze me. I have grown in my relationships with friends, knowing that I have had and continue to have people that are there to help be a support system to me. I have grown in trying to balance life and love and raising a special needs child and learning how to be an advocate for my daughter. So much good has come from struggles we have had and we are absolutely BLESSED and THANKFUL for this journey. I know it may be hard at times, but always, ALWAYS, try to find the good in everything.