Settling In

As  I sit here listening to the sound of the ocean on Caroline's sound machine, I could easily fall asleep. Instead, I am drinking a cup of coffee and updating the blog. It has been something I have wanted to do for a week now but just couldn't find the time to sit and write. So while she is sleeping away so peacefully and Tyson is snoozing at my feet, I figured this is the perfect time.

We have been home for 7 weeks now. The time is flying by so fast. I remember the day we brought her home. so clearly, like it was yesterday.  I was so overwhelmed and anxious and I am glad *knock on wood* that things have settled down some. We have made two trips to the ER since being home but both turned up pretty inconclusive. We have made several trips to Charlottesville to see numerous doctors like the Neurosurgeon, Audiologist, Neurologist, Orthopedist, Physical Therapist, Child Development Pediatrician all the while having a nurse come to the house three times a week to check weights on Caroline to make sure she is growing like she should be. We still have to see the eye doctor and Urologist and schedule an EEG at some point.  We also have a Pediatrician that comes twice a month to check on her. Not to mention we are also trying to get in home Physical therapy, Speech, and Occupational therapy set up for her. It goes without saying that life has been pretty hectic around here lately and we are all just trying to establish somewhat of a routine. On top of all of that, I have to go back to work next week. I have spent several hours just organizing my life and trying to keep up with everything. We have a large calendar that I have written all appointments and important dates, plus I keep one in my purse to write them as we schedule them. I have also created a large three ring binder to keep up with all the papers we are given. I love to organize and am a type A person but sometimes I feel even I can't organize everything! I am slowly working to create a system that works for all of us and is easy to use. I know that it will help keep us sane!

So as my maternity leave draws to an end, I am having such mixed feelings about everything. I read this article recently that explained to a husband what a mother on maternity leave does and I totally get it. It may look like a new mom has such an easy job or you may think that when your husband gets home from work and he sees the house a mess and wants to know what you have been doing all day can be a frustrating stereotype. (kind of like when people stereotype teachers about having the summers off...ugh...but that is another whole story!) I have been thankful that my husband understands what I do all day and he knows that it is not an easy job. But the article I read made sense. It said that it is sometimes hard for husbands (and others) to understand because having a baby means the mother has gone through the biggest change in her life all at once. She has had her body altered in several ways, she has given up her social life, she is now responsible for this little precious life all the while she is having hormones go crazy. Not to mention, she can't even so much as have a couple drinks because of all the breastfeeding/pumping she is doing. All of this happens at once and it may be hard for some to understand. It is a very emotional process and yes things will get better, will get easier, but for now, being home all day with a newborn can be exhausting! I give props to all the stay at home moms for all they do!

I have to say that I am looking forward to being back at work. To have some "normalcy" back in my life (what does normal even mean anymore?) But it will be good to see my students and settle into a routine. It does make me anxious to leave Caroline but I know she will be in good hands. We are fortunate enough to have family stay with her in our home while we work. I will miss spending that time with her everyday and getting to see her subtle changes and growth. It's so amazing to see her personality start to come out and the new things she can do. It makes my heart so full, especially on days that seem a little too overwhelming. She has been more of a blessing than I ever could have imagined or hoped for. We got lucky when she became our daughter!

Well the sound of the ocean is taking its toll on me (what I would do to be listening to the real ocean!) so I feel it is best if I get some sleep. You know what they say, sleep when the baby sleeps! Thank you for all the love and support our family has received during these past three months. We have been fortunate to have some pretty special people in our lives. We are thankful for all the messages, cards, and especially all the wonderful meals (from our friends and my sweet AMS family) that have been prepared for us. We are so grateful to have a wonderful support system to share our good times and bad times with! (Definitely more good!) We look forward to sharing Caroline's journey with everyone!